Split Screen

This has been the week of the split screen. Jubilant celebration pit against desperate agitation. Pictures of smiling, well-dressed politicians inaugurating a sparkling new American Embassy in Jerusalem juxtaposed with shots of Palestinians in Gaza wielding slingshots, silhouetted against the backdrop of burning tires, acrid smoke, and barbed wire. Split screen. Two pictures snapped at the same time, 40 miles apart. Two pictures that could not be more different.

As painful as it has been for us to see these two images juxtaposed in the news, it has been doubly painful to feel those images juxtaposed in our hearts and in our communities.

For some, the relocation of the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem was an answer to fervent prayers and to decades of hard work. They say Jerusalem has always been our holy city. The heartbeat of the Jewish world. Jerusalem is where our Temples were built, where our ancestors offered sacrifices, where our people have lived and prayed and wrestled with God for more than three thousand years. Jerusalem is and will always be the capital of Israel. This move is about recognizing a reality on the ground, a reality which does not preclude the resolution of conflict, but which does acknowledge that Jews will not abandon the city of Jerusalem. Any future peace agreement will include the acknowledgement of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and the Jewish people. Why not move the embassy now?

Besides, they say, this move is not a sudden reversal in policy. Congress passed the Jerusalem Embassy Act in 1995. In 1995, the House and Senate voted to acknowledged Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and set aside funds to move the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. For the last 23 years, Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama have ignored the stipulations of the Jerusalem Embassy Act and refused to move the Embassy (even though Congress has since passed additional legislation to acknowledge Jerusalem as the capital of Israel). By moving the Embassy, President Trump was not just carrying out a campaign promise, he was also responding to and actualizing a decision made through the democratic process. A promise which our government has reneged for more than two decades.

It is high time, they say, to celebrate Israel. 70 years of surviving and thriving against the odds. 70 years of struggling to resolve the conflict, 70 years of compromises, negotiations, and diplomacy. 70 years filled with terrorism and two intifadas. Even today, Hamas urges its people to run at the fence, to destroy Israel. We cannot allow their blatant disregard for human life to hold us hostage, we cannot allow their violent tactics to dictate the course of Israel’s future.

While this group celebrates, for others, the relocation of the US Embassy was too much, too soon. They say that while the Embassy Act has been on the books, our presidents have been prudent to delay. It’s too volatile, too dangerous. Just look at the protests that have been happening in Gaza for the past many weeks. 60 dead. Thousands injured. Among them children and bystanders. Is moving the Embassy worth so much pain and loss of life?

The embassy move was meant to be a celebration of conflict resolved. An incentive for Israel to work hard for peace. Instead, by rushing to move the embassy now, precisely on Israel’s anniversary of independence and Palestinian’s Naqba day, we have made peace in Israel even more unlikely. For Palestinians, the move was a slap in the face, proof that the United States has chosen sides and is no longer an impartial mediator. And, they say, we worry that moving the embassy will further radicalize the hard-right groups in Israel and make them less likely to negotiate with Palestinians.

Furthermore, they say, the fate of Jerusalem has yet to be decided. The international community sees Jerusalem as an occupied city. The international community does not recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Acting unilaterally to move the Embassy, without the approval and agreement of the international community, risks not only Israel and our interests in the Middle East, but also threatens our safety at home. Now the United States will be a target for all those countries who hate Israel.

Oy. What do we do in the face of split screens?

After the destruction of the Temple, our ancestors dispersed around the world. Their experiences were varied. Some found hardship, others opportunity. But no matter what they encountered in their travels and in their lives, they were looking at the world through the split screen of experience. On the one side, they saw the picture of their trauma: destruction of the Temple and displacement. On the other side, they saw the opportunity and challenge of the moment. Two screens.

Let’s imagine, for a moment, that we are in our ancestors’ shoes. We’re grappling with trauma. Living in a new place where we don’t quite fit in. Trying to maintain our connection with our spiritual home. In the place of sacrifice, we have to find something that will make us feel instantly connected and loved, safe and hopeful for the future. We have to devise a new ritual to start the day.

If I were an ancestor, I would create a ritual filled with sunshine and warm fuzzy feelings. My morning ritual would be as follows—wake up with the sun shining without an alarm, watch 10-15 minutes of cute baby animal videos on YouTube, write out 10 gratitudes, remember all of the miracles God has performed and praise God for all the blessings in the world, and then listen to joyful music while getting ready for the day.

Our ancestors could have devised a spiritual practice of sunshine and cute animals, but instead they chose to start our day with a split screen. Light and darkness. Blessing and challenge. Every morning we say a verse from Isaiah יוצר אור ובורא חושך God forms light and creates darkness.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Though our ancestors lifted the verse from Isaiah, they edited it to fit their spiritual needs. The original verse reads יוצר אור ובורא חושך, עושה שלום ובורא רע God forms light and creates darkness, God makes peace and creates evil. But our rabbis didn’t want the focus to be on fragments of light emerging in a dark world, they didn’t want there to be total balance between good and bad. Instead, they wrote the words יוצר אור ובורא חושך, עושה שלום ובורא את הכל God forms light and creates darkness, God makes peace and creates the whole. In other words, there may be light and darkness in the world, but the balance tips towards light.

Let me share a story with you that I learned at this year’s AIPAC Policy Conference.  The year was 1948. Israel was struggling to fend of armies from Egypt, Jordan, and Syria. Things were not looking good and the United Nations had just ordered Israel to withdraw from Beersheba.

During this time, famous conductor and composer Leonard Bernstein was travelling around Israel with an ensemble of incredible musicians. They would stop at military bases and perform to improve morale and help with the war. Just as the order to vacate Beersheba came through, Leonard Bernstein and his Israel Philharmonic Orchestra arrived to perform.

In the midst of a dark and uncertain future, it was a moment of sheer joy. Thousands of Israelis, including patients from nearby hospitals, schlepped out to hear the gorgeous notes of Mozart’s Piano Concerto 15 in B-flat Major, Beethoven’s First Piano Concerto, and Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue.

And while they listened, Egyptian armies saw thousands of Israelis assembling and became afraid. They were convinced that Israeli armies were gathering in Beersheba to attack Egypt. So, they pulled their armies from Jerusalem and sent them south. That redeployment changed the course of the war and enabled Israel to defeat her adversaries.

In 1948, our people did not allow their bleak reality to prevent them from seeing light. Though we may be living in a moment of split screens, in a moment of darkness, we can turn our eyes towards the fullness of the future. We can look towards the light.

[Kol ha’olam kulo gesher tzar me’od] *sung


In college, I had a strange spring-time ritual. Every year, just about this time, I would start to feel overwhelmingly stressed. Every spring, I would end up crying in my advisor’s office. And every spring we had the same conversation.


The Loneliest Number

Last week, a parent called me to talk about our upcoming TEen trip to Israel. To prepare for the call, I got all my information—the itinerary and registration paperwork, the bio for our fabulous tour guide, the travel dates, and pictures and stories from our amazing trip in 2016. But as soon as the conversation began, I realized that all the information I prepared was useless.


Just say hello

Izzy Cohen knew everyone. He knew street cleaners and street planners, dishwashers and executive chefs, secretaries and CEO’s. His friends knew that an outing with Izzy meant lots of time waiting for him to schmooze. One day, a newcomer became frustrated with Izzy. He said, “it’s just not possible that Izzy Cohen knows everyone—I’ll prove it!” Izzy Cohen’s other friends just laughed.


Bullyproofing Bikers

Ten-year-old Xander Rose wants to be a biker more than anything in the world. He loves wearing his leather jacket and sunglasses. He loves watching motorcycles zip by. He used to love school too until kids started picking on him for his size, for his clothes, and for his dreams of riding motorcycles.


All About That Bass

Parshat Vayera
November 4, 2017 / 15 Cheshvan 5778

This summer, I was sitting at Tanglewood, eyes riveted to the stage, listening to a vocal chamber music concert. They had just started playing Songs of a Wayfarer—a gorgeous set of songs originally written by Gustav Mahler and arranged by Arnold Schoenberg. The songs are dramatic and expressive, with the flutes and clarinets dancing lilting harmonies, piano and harmonium together adding depth to the sound, and strings weaving their own melodies. I couldn’t take my eyes off the stage.

If you know anything about classical music, or really music in general, you know that bass players often get stuck with musical lines that could be best described as boring. Their job is to root the music, to create a foundation on which the flourishes and dramatic expression of the other instruments can dance. Though there are pieces which feature bass players, they are more often relegated to support.

This piece was no exception. In Songs of a Wayfarer, while the other instruments are executing gorgeous lyrical lines and dancing through harmonies, the bass player is rhythmically plucking away at the same low note for almost 20 minutes.  “Bom” ….. “Bom” ….. “Bom”…. It’s a part that could make even the most boring parts look exciting.

And yet, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the bass player. He approached each repetitive “Bom” as if it were the most exciting and interesting sound, moving his whole body with the rhythm of the piece, carefully plucking and then moving back in time to start moving again. You could see the piece written in the expression on his face, changing as the other instruments danced melodies around him. And in the few instances when he got to play a melody or a line, the bass player acted as if those notes were no more satisfying than the monotonous plucking that filled the rest of the piece. If you were just watching the concert and not listening, you might think the bass player had the most interesting part of all.

I left the concert hall thinking about what it must have been like for that bass player—what’s it like to be selected as one of the best musicians in the country, and when you arrive at Tanglewood, you see that you’re stuck playing the same low bass note for 20 minutes—a part that could largely be played by an amateur. If it were me, I could imagine being bored. Resenting the repetition. Envying the other players their drama. I could imagine going through the motions, but not investing in those low notes the way the bass player did.

What enabled that bass player to approach each of those repetitive low notes with so much joy? How did he embrace literal monotony with enthusiasm and full-hearted engagement?

Though we aren’t playing bass at Tanglewood, if we mapped out our days on a score of music, we’d probably discover that the majority of our lives appear quite similar to that bass part in Songs of a Wayfarer. Most of our waking hours are spent doing the same tasks. Week after week, we shop at the same grocery stores, buy the same foods, do the same work, pay the same bills, cook the same meals, wash the same laundry.

After thousands of hours of practice, we should be virtuosic Star Market shoppers. We should be able to fill out a school form with serious expertise. And yet, all too often, we sit on that life stage, going through the motions without joy or even attention.

We live out repetitive moments in auto pilot. We wander down the aisles of the grocery store glued to our lists, placing peanut butter and coffee in our carts without noticing the music in the background or the people around us. We go to work and stare at our email, we move automatically waiting for our coffee to kick in and fuel the energy we once felt. We are waiting for that big dramatic moment—the success at work, the winning lottery ticket, the big romantic gesture, the nachas of watching our children soar through the world. And in the meanwhile, we’re just plucking away.

Our rabbis had a name for this feeling, or rather they had a name for when you’re just going through the same motions. When our rabbis created the Jewish calendar, they named each month. Tishrei is the first month of the year, full unique magical moments, full of shofar, full prostrations, building sukkot, shaking the lulav, dancing with the Torah. Kislev has got the light of Chanukah, miracles. Nissan is full of matzah and Exodus. And then there’s Cheshvan, the month which we are in now.

Cheshvan comes along with nothing to its name—no special holidays, no fast days, no unique practices. That’s how Cheshvan earned its nickname—Mar Cheshvan. Bitter Cheshvan. Bitter because of all the empty spaces. Bitter because our rabbis regretted the return to normal, average rhythms. Bitter because every year, after the majesty of the high holiday season, our rabbis yearned for virtuosic music of special holidays instead of the monotonous bass line of Mar Cheshvan.

But Cheshvan is also bitter because when the holidays recede, all the bitterness in our world comes into sharper focus.  We’ve lived it this year.  Mar Cheshvan. The bitterness of hurricane after hurricane, homes damaged, and Puerto Rico still largely without power and significantly without aid. Mar Cheshvan.

This week, we felt that bitterness even more as we watched a normal, ordinary day turned upside down by terrorism.  The bitterness of a truck mowing down pedestrians in a place where children go to learn how to ride a two-wheeler and where friends enjoy a sunny afternoon.  Bitterness as we read about the ten Argentinian friends who spent the whole last year planning a trip to New York to celebrate their 30th high school reunion.  Ten friends who are now five, carrying injuries and psychic scars.  Mar Cheshvan.

Ordinary time can feel like a bitter pill to swallow.  But just because we keep hearing the same low notes of terrorism and natural disaster and personal grief does not mean that is the whole story.  Mar Cheshvan, the bitter month of Cheshvan, is not about marinating in bitterness or depression.  Mar Cheshvan is all about how to get beyond the bitterness of ordinary time. I read a piece in the Wedding section of the New York Times that speaks to the essential spirit of how we life up ordinary time.

This piece told the story of Ms. Chaudhary who, in 2005, was sitting in a New York bar with her friend Abby. They had gone out searching for eligible bachelors only to find that the bar scene lacked any serious candidates. So, the two women sat together talking about their dreams for the future and the partners who they hoped would walk by their side.

The next morning, Abby was heading out for coffee in Park Slope. She noticed a young man walking across the street who looked like the ideal partner Ms. Chaudhary had described the night before. Abby sighed, wishing that he had been there the night before so Ms. Chaudhary could have met him. Suddenly, Abby found herself running towards him, saying “Sir! Excuse me! I have this friend…”

Turns out the young man was a Harvard graduate from South Asia, just like Ms. Chaudhary. His name was Previn Warren. He was also a bass player—he played in a band called the States and he was open to meeting a complete stranger. He gave Abby his phone number.

When Abby called to tell Ms. Chaudhary the good news, her friend wasn’t sure how to respond. As Ms. Chaudhary shared with the New York times, “it was adorable that she ran after him, but you never know. He was just some guy!” She decided to call him anyway, thinking it was just a kind of neighborhood thing.

It turned out to be so much more. Their first date lasted until 3 AM. A second soon followed. It wasn’t long before they were clear they wanted to share a life together. As Mr. Warren shared, “It felt like destiny. This is the only relationship I could ever imagine wanting to be in.” They married in 2010.

Abby was living an ordinary moment.  Here she was walking the streets of New York alone after a late night with friends, sans caffeine and filled with that fuzzy groggy feeling you get when you’ve had too much fun and too little sleep. It would have been easy for her to fall into the pit of loneliness, into worries about her future, into frustration with the traffic.  Into the space of Mar—of bitterness.  But instead, she was looking around and noticing the people around her.  Instead, she was thinking of her friends and seeing possibility in ordinary time.

We can all do that.

Yes, the universe has scored low notes which are unfolding all around us, but that’s not everything that’s been written. Yes, sometimes we’re caught in the drudgery of repetition, but we can find inspiration in the everyday rhythms and play those notes joyfully and intentionally.  Mar Cheshvan doesn’t have to be bitter.

The truth is, most of life is an ordinary moment. A repeating bass line. A Cheshvan without holidays. An ordinary day that, like this past Tuesday in New York City, can turn tragic.  We can base our lives around the bitterness of our world or we can choose to transcend the bitterness of the world and seek out, find, and savor the beautiful melodies that are also there if only we can open ourselves to their sound.

Shabbat Shuva: Say Yes to This

If you’ve read the Pew report on American Jewry, you know that we are living in troubling times. Young people are increasingly secular and disconnected. 32% of Jews born after 1980 identify as “Jews of no religion” and 67% of those “Jews of no religion” go on to raise children without religion.


Ki Gamal Alai

אשירה לה’ כי גמל עלי
This song has been stuck in my head all week. Maybe because it’s a song I first learned from Rabbi Ruhi Sophia Motzkin Rubenstein at a meditation circle in Jerusalem.