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June 4, 2022
Author(s):
Parshat Bamidbar
June 4, 2022 — 5 Sivan 5782
A Legacy of Principles from the Principal
Temple Emanuel, Newton, MA
Shabbat Shalom, Everyone!
What a morning! I am utterly overwhelmed and so deeply blessed to be a part of this truly special community.
As I reflect upon what has been most important to me on this extraordinary journey as an educator, I’d like to share three of the “principles” that have motivated and guided me. But first, a disclaimer: You may hear things about me that will surprise you. As they say in the commercials, don’t try these at home…or at Religious School!!
Principle #1: Never write off any child.
I come by this principle honestly, having myself been a less-than-angelic Hebrew School student in my own middle school years. I knew the inside of my principal’s office far better than my parents would have liked. If you were to have the pleasure of meeting my father today, the first story he would tell you about me is how he would drop teen-age me off at Hebrew School and watch from the car as, too often, instead of turning left to go into my classroom, I walked straight ahead and right out the back door!
Then, there was my 8th grade Hebrew School teacher, Mr. Rassen, zichrono liv’rachah, a Holocaust survivor who made it through that experience, probably believing that the worst was behind him…until he got our class. We were all bright kids, in an advanced section, but we were pranksters who showed no mercy.
A number of years later, I was in college and teaching Hebrew School part-time, and I ran into this teacher at a Jewish community event. I went to greet him. “Mr. Rassen, Mr. Rassen, it’s me, Ilene! You won’t believe it but I’m teaching Hebrew School now!” I don’t recall his response, but I do remember that, shortly after that encounter, I heard that he had passed away. To this day, I am convinced that the shock of hearing that I was actually a Hebrew School teacher was more than he could bear.
As amusing as these vignettes may seem in hindsight, these experiences have shaped how I see kids. Whether it is a learning difference, a behavioral challenge, or an emotional struggle, I have always believed that, if a child feels valued in this space, they will always see Judaism and Temple Emanuel as a place of comfort and belonging.
I love all of our children. Each one is unique and worthy of the very best we can give them as educators. However, I confess to having a soft spot for the ones who are not necessarily angels, who don’t learn like everyone else, who perhaps test us from time to time. Having been one of those kids at one time in my own life, I like to think that the potential is there for these kids, too, to eventually bring their own gifts to the Jewish world. Who can say but that there may be kids in our midst, at this very moment, who are our future Jewish leaders, perhaps even Religious School teachers and Directors? You just never know!
Principle #2: Take the long view of time and Jewish learning.
For years, I struggled as a Jewish educator with the challenge of time or, more specifically, the lack thereof. Our teachers, my dear colleagues, feel it as well. No matter what our class schedule, there never seems to be enough time to teach all that we want our students to learn. Judaism’s history and legacy are so broad and so deep that it’s easy to feel as if we are constantly swimming upstream toward an unattainable goal.
This is a painful way to live and can leave one in a state of frustration, disappointment, and regret. “Oy, I never got to this subject or that text, or such and such a letter, or that prayer.” The “I never got to”s can easily add up, and up.
Eventually, I was able to come to some peace with this, and Covid actually helped, by grounding me back in the reassuring reality that Jewish living and learning are indeed a lifelong journey. The doors never close, but the key is never to think there is an endpoint.
This message was brought to the forefront when I was recently asked by a 5th grader, “If we become B’nei Mitzvah in 7th grade, why do we still have to come to Religious School in 8th grade?”
I empathized with that question which I had also asked, myself, as I was finishing my own synagogue’s Religious School. I wasn’t sure I was planning to continue my own Jewish education at that time. Several of my friends were not. But that same father who saw me sneak out the back door to skip class, told me I was going to continue. Not a choice. I ultimately grew to appreciate it and, as you can see, the rest is history.
So, parents, don’t ever minimize the role you play in your child’s Jewish future. Even now, I am thankful to my father every single day for what I may have temporarily felt “forced” to do back in 8th grade. Had he not done so, I likely would have been on a totally different life trajectory. But I cannot imagine that it would have been more meaningful, more satisfying or, frankly, more fun than the one I have experienced.
So, to that 5th grader, I responded with a quote that has stayed with me which says, “If you stop your Jewish education at age 13, then all your life you are a 13-year-old Jew.” What other subject would you stop learning at such a young age? Science? Math? Literature? These are all things you learn. But being Jewish is who you ARE, which is so much more important. Why would you ever stop learning about who you are? Who your people are? What your history is? What gifts, ethics, and values your tradition brings to you and to the world? Hopefully none of us will ever stop!
Principle #3: Don’t underestimate the capacity of kids to learn hard things
One of the things I am most moved by are the deep, hard, and important conversations I have had with kids over the years, sometimes in small groups, sometimes in larger gatherings, on topics like Kristallnacht, Covid, Colleyville, and the many real-life traumas that, sadly, confront us every day. WE TALK ABOUT THEM HERE.
I have always believed that knowledge is power and that the more our kids know and understand, the more they have the capacity to feel empowered to stand up for our people and for others in this world. You would be totally amazed at the questions and the thoughtful responses that come from even our youngest learners. THEY WANT TO KNOW. Sometimes, as adults and parents, the instinct can be to protect our kids from hard things, but I have seen firsthand how our kids respond to difficult realities, conveyed in an age-appropriate way, always keeping the door open to learning more.
Most important, it is critical that these conversations happen HERE. Our kids need to learn OUR stories, OUR history, OUR issues of the day, from US in OUR shul and I have been incredibly gratified by your support for this stance over the years.
These 3 principles have been alive for me every day. I deeply believe that when we value each child, when we stretch Jewish time, when we help our kids to see the world as it is, and how it can be, that they become resilient; they become empowered do the work of Tikkun Olam, and that they can discover in our ancient sources and proud history, the precious legacy that has strengthened and sustained our people for over 2000 years…And I can truly feel that the future of the Jewish people will be in good hands for generations to come.
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To all my dear Colleagues, Senior Staff, and Teachers, I will never be able to adequately thank you for your wisdom, your support, and your collaboration over the years. When I struggled, I never struggled alone and when I succeeded, you were by my side. To the extent that I have done good, it is in large measure due to the confidence I had that you were always with me. Thank you for your most precious partnership.
My deepest thanks to all of the parents who have entrusted me and our school with your beloved children. They are a true gift that I will cherish forever, and to Sheryl and Dena who have made today just extraordinary!
I’d like to acknowledge my family: my late, dear mom whose warmth and gentle grace inspire me every day, and our wonderful sons, Aaron and Michael, and the two beautiful daughters, Nomie and Megan, that they have brought into our lives.
My final “principle,” which I learned from someone much wiser than me, is to marry the kindest person you know. I did that and more. My most profound love and gratitude goes to my incomparable husband, David, who, on a moment’s notice, will come and fix a computer glitch, set up a sound system or run tech for an event.
The not-so-deep dark secret is that I could not have done my job without him. At every turn, he is the one who supports me and makes me look good. Always quietly, calmly, gently, patiently, always in the background, letting me shine. The joke in our house is that David can do so much to help me in my job and yet there is not a single thing I can do to help him in his. Given that he works in Cyber Security, not only can I not help him, but if he tells me too much, well, he’d probably have to, um, dispatch me… so, fortunately, we don’t talk a lot about work at home?.
David, I have felt so blessed to be your partner at every stage of our lives. We are now starting on a new journey together and if, as they say, “teamwork is dreamwork,” then I am definitely living the dream.
Heartfelt thanks to you all and Shabbat Shalom!