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May 6, 2023
Author(s): Rabbi Wes Gardenswartz,
Parashat Emor
May 6, 2023 — 15 Iyyar 5783
Does Judaism Prize Finishing the Job?
Temple Emanuel, Newton, MA
If you are a Boston sports fan, two words inspire pathos: Boston Bruins. This past regular season, the Bruins enjoyed not just a successful season, but a historically successful season. The National Hockey League, NHL, is 106 years old. In the long history of the league, this year’s Bruins set the record for most wins in a season. They set the record for most points in a season. Not only did they win lots of games; they usually trounced their opponent. The NHL keeps a record of what is called goal differential: by how many goals did the winning team beat the losing team. Boston’s goal differential ranks second in history. During the regular season the Bruins could not have been more dominant.
Meanwhile, their opponents in the playoffs, the Florida Panthers, could not have been more mediocre. Literally an average team, actually below average. Out of 32 teams, the Panthers had the 17th best record. They just barely made the playoffs.
When the series started, the Bruins took a commanding 3-1 lead in a best of seven series. All they had to do was win one more game, a reasonable expectation for the team with the most points and wins in the history of the league. And yet, remarkably, the Bruins lost three games in a row, including game 7 at the Garden on Sunday night.
In the wake of this historic collapse of this historic team, sports commentators broadly pointed out that the Bruins failed to finish. Failed to close.
How should we think about finishing, about closing out a project?
A writer named John Acuff wrote a book called Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done. Acuff points out that he, and so many people he knows, are great at starting things, but not great at finishing the things that they started. He has started many books but has not finished writing them. He has started many diets, but gave up on them after a week or two, to go back to his old eating habits. He has started many exercise regimens, only to head back to his couch. He has made many New Year’s resolutions only to give them up while still in the middle of January. In every case, he meant to finish what he started. And yet he kept failing to finish. His own failure to finish inspired him to research the topic of finishing, and he reports—I don’t know if it is true, but this what he reports—that 92% of the worthy causes Americans start they fail to finish.
His book, Finish, suggests some tactics that can help us finish what we start, like giving up on perfectionism. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Get momentum by achieving some quick wins. These tactics feel helpful. Of course we would love to finish the things we start. But Jewish sources are skeptical about this concept of finishing the job.
After all, our greatest leader, Moses, did not finish the job: he died on the wrong side of the River Jordan.
In the Torah, the Israelites did not finish the job. When Deuteronomy ends, they are still on the wrong side of the River Jordan.
And even when the Israelites finally made it to the promised land later in the Bible, they are never done, done. To the contrary, not once but twice the Temples are destroyed, and the people are exiled.
All of which suggests that the most important things in life cannot be finished.
Parents are never finished with their children. Little children, little problems. Bigger children, bigger problems. As Jason Robards’ character said so memorably in the movie Parenthood, parenthood is like a football game where you never cross the goal line, never score a touchdown, never spike the ball and say: we won.
Siblings are never finished with their siblings. As our brothers and sisters grow older, their challenges are our challenges.
The search to have meaning and impact is never finished. I was recently at a business dinner with Shira where we met a lovely businessman from Australia who shared that he had tried to retire many times. But every time he tried to retire, he felt empty and unproductive. He is at an age where he could retire. He has the resources that would enable him to retire. But to live is to want meaning and impact. He is not retiring but rewiring.
For the things that matter, for the relationships we care most about, for the values that are closest to our heart, the concept of finishing is not helpful. We are never finished. What word would our sources suggest instead? When we say good-bye to somebody who has died, we say lech b’shalom, go in peace. But when we say good-bye to somebody who is living, the greeting is lech l’shalom, go towards peace. While we are alive, we never arrive. While we are alive, our life is a work in progress. All we can do is try every day to make some progress on our life that is a work in progress.
Let me make this concrete. When Shira and I were in Israel, we spent five days cleaning out the apartment of our beloved departed father. He had lived in that apartment for 20 years. There were so many things to go through. But there were two things that I will never forget, two things that I found most inspiring, two things that we stopped and called our kids to talk about.
One was cards. My in laws wrote each other cards three times a year: for birthdays, their anniversary, and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They were together for 70 years. And they never threw out a thing. If you do the math, that is a lot of cards. They were intended for their eyes only.
The second thing was notebooks and diaries that they kept. They used to tell us about an ongoing program called Marriage Encounter which they did throughout their married life. As part of Marriage Encounter they would journal their thoughts. We had a ton of journals, all intended to be private.
What did we do with these sacred writings? The journals and diaries we threw out without reading in order to respect their privacy. But the cards we distributed to the 12 grandchildren and the 3 children and 3 in-loves to show that a love affair that lasts for 70 years is possible. But it takes work every day. While they were both alive, they were never finished with their marriage. They were always working to improve it. The cards were about love. The journals were about work. The work made possible a 70 year love affair that now their children and grandchildren can only aspire to emulate.
When we work every day on the things we love, we create a life of beauty and meaning.
In sports, competitors can finish out the game or finish out the season. But in life we are never done with what matters most. Unfinished business is a perpetual part of life. Once we can accept that reality, we can wake up every morning ready to live out a meaningful day by making some progress on a life that is a work in progress. Shabbat shalom.