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Mazel Tov!
We celebrate our children as they begin to emerge into adulthood through the b’nei mitzvah process. Our children learn Jewish traditions, practice reading and reciting Torah and wisdom literature, study texts and share their own wisdom, and take their place on the stage of Jewish life. We want our children to love being Jewish, to feel empowered to continue their learning, and to begin assembling the Jewish toolkit that they will need for life.
What Is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
“Bar Mitzvah” literally means “son of the commandment” and similarly “Bat Mitzvah” means “daughter of the commandment.” Practically speaking, the term is used to refer to a child who is coming of age, thirteen years for boys and twelve years for girls and are thus obligated to perform the Jewish mitzvot (commandments). The purpose of the commandments are to keep our lives focused on what’s truly important: family, community, and a relationship with God. A child who has become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is now morally and ethically responsible for his/her decisions and actions.
It is important to note that the ceremony and celebration are not required; the obligation is automatic. But since becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is such an important milestone and joyous occasion, many make a point of celebrating together with family and friends.
The term “bar/bat mitzvah” also refers to the religious ceremony that accompanies a child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Often a celebratory party will follow the ceremony and that party is also called a bar/bat mitzvah.
The Ceremony
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony can vary somewhat, but the basic components remain the same. In it’s most basic form, a bar/bat mitzvah marks an important milestone in the child’s life; being called up to the Torah for his/her first aliyah.
In modern practice, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah usually does more than just the aliyah and often requires preparations for at least a year in advance to study for the event. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah “rite of passage” includes not only the mastery of technical skills needed on Shabbat morning, but also an inner transformation in which an individual becomes a full member of the community. Each ceremony is different, but often the child chooses to also do some or all of the following:
- Lead specific prayers during the Shabbat service
- Read/Chant the weekly Torah portion during the Shabbat service
- Read/Chant the weekly Haftorah portion during the Shabbat (or weekday) service
- Give a D’var
- Complete a tzedekah project leading up to the ceremony
- Honor family members of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with an aliyah or multiple aliyahs.
While the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is a milestone life-cycle event in the life of a Jewish child; it is only the beginning of a lifetime of Jewish learning, study and participation in the Jewish community.
The Celebration
In modern times, the religious ceremony is often followed by a large celebration. Many Jews treat this momentous life-cycle event in a similar fashion as a wedding. While it is understandable that modern Jews celebrate the occasion in this way, it is important to remember that the party is simply the celebration marking the religious obligations of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
To book your celebration at Temple Emanuel, please visit our event planning page or contact Erin Moseley, Executive Director.
Passport to Israel
Here’s what our families have shared about their B'nei Mitzvah experience:
“We all know that it is not the party that makes the Bar Mitzvah. It is the act of dedicating and sacrificing for something like learning Torah when you would rather be watching YouTube. This experience has truly made Jordan mature quickly and embody becoming a man in the Jewish community.”
“The hearts of our family, friends and TE members were made full thanks to the amazing video streaming capability. It was flawless! Well-wishers from all over the world tuned in and many sent pictures of themselves dressed up and watching! We were also incredibly moved by the emails, texts, and calls from Temple members who felt inspired. One congregant felt they were there “with all their heart and soul, from home.”
“We were happy that Vivi was having her Bat Mitzvah on the day it was planned. Life cycle events continue in spite of circumstances. Vivi does not love being the center of attention so the intimacy of the event suited her. Vivi wore sweatpants under her dress and none of us wore shoes. Family and friends Zoomed in and sent pictures of themselves watching! Vivi and her three older siblings have been taught that not everything goes as you expect. Perfection is not the goal. Vivi learned that sometimes we just have to march on!”
A few days before the Bat Mitzvah, Jill emailed the congregation inviting them to join the service and to send a text or a note to Eleanor afterward. Within a few hours, congregants sent cards, texts, and one family dropped off flowers. Jill said, “these small gestures were gifts that moved us.” Eleanor concluded, “we always knew those people were nice, but they took time out of their day to actually watch and write to me! Thank you for making this day so joyful for us!”
What if you never had a bar/bat mitzvah?
It’s never too late! Whether you are eighteen or eighty, if you want a bar/bat mitzvah, you should have one! Temple Emanuel is honored to bar/bat mitzvah adults through their b’nei mitzvah program. If you did not celebrate becoming a bar/bat mitzvah and would like to, contact Tessa Amantiado. It can be one of the most fulfilling experiences of your adult life.